15 THINGS WOMEN SHOULD NEVER SAY TO THEIR MEN

#1 ‘My ex is so brilliant in…’

Just as much as trash-talking your ex isn’t nice putting on a pedestal makes your current guy feels inadequate and this tells him he’s not enough for you. Unless the goal is to crush his male ego refrain from such, at least up until you are certain he’s solidly secure with you.  

He knows you’ve dated richer guys before, he knows you’ve been with really intelligent guys, he knows you’ve seen bigger everything, trust me knows this…don’t rub it in.

#2 ‘Can it grow any bigger than that?’

Enough said.          

#3 ‘We need to talk’

Unless the idea is to freak him out and activate all his defensive signals, never say this to a man, if you called him in the morning about ‘we need to talk in the evening’ you’ve just messed up his entire day. He’s shitting in his pants wondering what he has done. Or analyzing all the shit he’s been upto and trying to figure out which one are now privy to.

Unless the aim is to give him a heart attack, just talk. No need to say ‘we need to talk’.

#4 ‘I hate my big butt’

Generally, guys love big round butts, especially Zulu guys. Don’t ask me why, I haven’t a clue. So it’s a bit irritating really for him to hear you complaining about the size of those assets, it’s like Patrice Motsepe complaining he has too much money. Revolting!

#5 ‘I hate your friends’

Well he’s a newsflash for you, he loves them. If you really have legitimate concerns about some of his friends that may be up to no good address those concerns without being too harsh or too judgemental.

#6 ‘Is that it? You are done? Really?’

There are two types of men – those who have had a one-minute experience and those who lie about it. If he experiences that, the last thing he needs is being scolded, give him some time maybe twenty minutes and get him excited again. Women must accept that the first round is the man’s round, the rest that follow are yours. Relax.

 #7 ‘You are such a loser’

I understand you will be very angry at time at times but never call him a loser, anyone else can call him that and it won’t sting but if it’s the woman he loves, it may as well be the end of the world.

#8 ‘I’ve been promiscuous before but now I’m waiting till marriage’

It’s a noble decision by all accounts, but you know what he’s thinking, ‘She now grows a conscience when it’s MY turn!’

#9 ‘A part of me will always love him (ex)’

I believe a part of us will always love the people we once really love, it’s just that more of us move on to love other people. At least I always assume, even when we hate our exes we hate them because we love them, so it’s not necessary to tell him this, he probably knows this anyway.

#10 ‘Can we just cuddle, please?’

Unless you have an impeccably good and believable reason, give your man what he wants.

#11 ‘Oh, you’ll call? What time?’

The guy just said to you, ‘I’ll call you’ and now you are pressuring him to commit to the exact time? Really?

 #12 ‘Why didn’t you call?’

He didn’t want to! Happy now?

#13 ‘Where is this going?’

Is this the part where he must ‘propose’? Think of a more creative way to find out if he has any longterm plans that include you.

#14 ‘I missed my periods’

You should never be in a position where you have to say this.

#15 ‘I can’t live without you’ *in a desperate tone*

 Of course you can. It scares men when they sense this desperation.

EIGHT THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO YOUR WOMEN

This is for the guys, and of course women who have guys that they love and would share this with.

They are from Venus, we are from Mars. Things that we may find funny, they may find revolting. Thread with caution, here’s a list of things you should never say to a woman.

‘I’m so in a hurry for the marriage part I want us to skip the big wedding part’

I know very few women who’d get a natural high from listening to their men utter these words. Even grown-ass women in their 30’s still want a fairytale wedding and instead of looking at the above statement for what it is – a man looking beyond the wedding bling and to the joys and challenges of marriage, women see this as being denied an opportunity to gloat and showoff to their friends.

So yeah, no man should utter these words, no matter how sincere you are.

‘How many guys were ‘there’ before me?’

This will never change, all men secretly wish they married virgins and most stress about women with ‘high mileage’, you see, if you wanted to hurt a man’s pride, go via his woman and it will cut deep. Before feminists come down hard on me, ask any woman with ‘high mileage’ if she’s at peace and she’ll tell you she wishes the number was much lower. So to be asked the above-mentioned question by her guy is too awkward. Just encourage to do intense kegel exercises instead. She’ll be fine. You’ll be fine too. I hope.

You can’t change her ‘hectic’ past, you can only change your attitude towards it, and hope against hope not many things will keep reminding you of her yesteryear jezebel ways.

‘Why you never told me about this guy asking you out?’

Really? You expect her to tell you about EVERY guys who hits on her?

My future wife will be a gorgeous woman with the ‘African Trademark’, I hope, so guys will be trying their luck all the time and I don’t want to know about it UNLESS it’s my friend, colleague or relative. Or her friend!

‘I wish your ass was a bit bigger’

This is just plain cruel. So what must she do about this silly wish of yours? In fact this is blatant emotional abuse.

‘Bitch!’

I don’t know of any self-respecting man who calls his woman ‘slut’, ‘bitch’, ‘whore’, etc.

I think even if she’s a whore it’s not helpful to hear you call her that. In fact, what are you doing with a whore in the first place? Here’s a cold fact about whores, they stop only when they want to stop, so stop trying to save them, you will lose!

‘Close your facebook account’

Anyone who makes such demands in an abusive man whose horns are about to come out, unless of course she’s consistently mismanaged her facebook account by engaging in behavior that completely undermined you, even then that’s not enough to make her stop if she’s entertaining other men.

‘Babes, you are fat’.

It just will not end well even if you said it while wearing the biggest of smiles. If it really bothered you, as it should, get her a Planet Fitness contract and see to it she has a personal trainer or she’ll just go to the gym to loiter around the watercooler and feel sorry for herself watching the likes of ‘Shaz’ on the threadmill.

Anything said while you are on top of her

What kind of guys say things while on top of a woman anyway? You promise her marriage? Dude, I told women the secret ages ago, anything we say during sex we are not talking to them, we are talking to the pussy, and you know that’s a fact!

Refrain from having conversations during sex nje, period! Couldn’t you wait till you are done? Especially since you’re just there for exactly two minutes, so how urgent is this message? Any man who says things during sex is letting the entire Men Organization down.

There’s a huge difference between dirty talk and retard conversations.

Yeah, you can also add your own.

DATING SOMEONE WITH A CHILD...THE LIES I WAS TOLD.

It’s hard being a man, even harder to grow from being a boy to a man, it’s most certainly not without pain, emotional and sometimes physical pain.

When I was in my teens and had started pursuing girls I consciously avoided girls with children like they had a plague or something. By then I had learnt babies didn’t come from an aeroplane, they came via the vagina, and the theory from the older boys was that girls with children were not so great down there, the thingie was now bigger, that grossed me out, and guys can be graphic about these things.

But a few sexual encounters with girls with children rendered this theory as exactly that – just theory. BUT I still did not see girls with children as potential wives, at least for me. I had grown and learnt that there was such a thing as babydaddy-drama, I had fears, insecurities; to me two people who had a child had an unshakeable bond, they could have broken up but deep down they longed for each other, it’s hard for any young man to reconcile with that ‘’fact’’. Who wants a steady girlfriend that still longs for the man who made her a mother? Not me for sure!

So I never looked at a woman with a child with a view of settling down with her. But then I had a child of my own with someone I didn’t even love, you don’t wanna know the measures she’s gone to trying to make my life a misery, as a matter she even tried to kill me. Then I learnt that having a child with someone does not mean you have any significant bond, I mean at some stage I wished her dead, but these days I pray God restores her soul and heal her of such baseless hatred for a man who did his best to be an active father under trying conditions. I feel sorry for her even, I believe she goes to church religiously, I pray that someday God will touch her heart. But the point is, having a child together does not mean you long for each other, if she were the only woman left in the world I’ll rather shag a goat.

That does not mean all my fears and insecurities about dating babymamas were wiped away, a great young mother knows it’s important that her little one has a relationship with the father, and she will encourage that long after she stopped loving the man who made her a mother. Those are women with big hearts, they know it’s not about them, but about the innocent child who needs a complete identity. Of course there are other babymamas, they meet a man and think he’s going to marry them and start sidelining the biological father while gently pushing the new man to play daddy. You also get babymamas who try too hard to accommodate a biological father who’s simply not interested. As the man in this woman’s life, it always affect you. Sometimes you wonder – is it really about the child or her hanging on to the faintest hope that she and babydaddy could still work things out? If she’s constantly at loggerheads with babydaddy you also wonder if those are feelings (of love)manifesting themselves that way.

So the question persists in my head – to marry a babymama or not? I wonder how many great women I’ve missed out on because of my aversion to women with children, would it make it any better if she’d had an abortion? Would it make it any better if she gave birth and quickly dumped her child with her mother and quickly returned to the city and went on with her life as if she wasn’t a mother? I know guys who’s say ‘yes’ to all those questions, I know many guys who missed out on love because of pride and ego. I know many women who would not date me because I’m a babydaddy, they have a right to make that call about me if they don’t have children too, I guess. I also wouldn’t want any woman with pride issues that make her look at children from previous relationships as some burden or a worse, as some curse to her. My ex told me, ‘But that means you won’t be as excited at our baby and it won’t be your first’, I thought to myself, this chikita has no clue what parenting is, what she has is a romanticized version of it. Of course while she’ll be excited I’ll be stressing about a healthy pregnancy, while she’s wondering about who the baby will look like I’ll be stressing about a good nanny and the little one’s future, not about ‘it’s OUR first-born’ ideal, because in the bigger scheme of things that means zilsh.

And while I was wondering, I met the most amazing and gorgeous babymama, I thanked my lucky stars her babydaddy didn’t put a ring on it. The pride and ego was gone, the insecurities I had were squashed by her commitment to me and us. She could have taken her child home to be raised by granny, but she chose to raise the beautiful little one herself as a single mom – I was sold. That is the strength and the resolve of a woman driven by love, I want her to have my unborn children too.

There’ll be challenges along the way, but I’ve had insurmountable challenges with women who had no children.